I had a gentleman come down to the boat recently to give me some quotes for doing some work. There is so much that needs doing.

People seemingly familiar with boats, will scoff and tell you “Duh! It’s a BOAT!!!” as though you’re naïve or foolish at being overwhelmed with the laundry list of “needs doing”. (Though those who have been there will sympathize.)

I didn’t go into this boat thing naïvely or ignorantly. I knew there’d be regular maintenance (just like on a land-based home) and I knew that maintenance would be costly (because hello boat and hello life). I had a plan.  A best laid scheme, even.

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
(But little Mouse, you are not alone,)
In proving foresight may be vain:
(In proving foresight may be vain:)
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
(The best laid schemes of mice and men)
Gang aft agley,
(Go often askew,)
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
(And leave us nothing but grief and pain,)
For promis’d joy!
(For promised joy!)

~Robert Burns

Things gang aft agley an’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain
Yes.

What I didn’t count on was for those plans to be essentially laid to waste.
Repeatedly.
Repeatedly.
The plows that can dig up a little home so unexpectedly, yet so thoroughly.
They even dig up the contingency schemes.

I am discouraged a bit. And having to recalibrate paths and plans is disheartening to me. I find that I am severing dreams and hopes again. Temporary situations become long-term accomodations, sometimes permanent, and it’s important to acknowledge that those things ARE actually the way they are, and that it isn’t not counting one’s blessings or needing advice or needing to work harder, but rather, once again, a steeling of the will to continue forth in the absence of the hope one has held and to create a life where one actually is.

All of the choices seem to loom with terrible consequences and I ache at having to concede.